Webcam, Game, Sex and Climax

- I am ready!
- Okay, I am waiting for my roommate to leave. I think he will be gone in 5 mins. Is WhatsApp okay? Or would you like to Skype?
- Skype is more comfortable since I can see you on a bigger screen on my laptop. 
- Okay :) But I cannot be loud, the housemates are gathering in the kitchen. I don’t want them to hear, lol.- Is he gone?
- Yes, I am calling you right now.

He appeared on the screen with an oversize t-shirt and naked underneath. He started to touch himself while asking me to take off my clothes without a hello. I think it was his way of greeting. I started to take off my pants with slow movements, at that time I thought to be sexy. Nonetheless, I was asking myself, why I obey to this guy’s instructions. Maybe it would be easier If I didn’t know him, or if he was not my boyfriend. 

I saw that his purpose was not to take it slow. He was already erected. I meant his dick. He was sitting on the couch with legs wide open. The phallus was looking at me trying to remind the dominancy he wants to build on me and it annoyed me. It annoyed me but I couldn’t find the reason.  

I immediately asked him to turn around and show me his butt with a determined but in a quiet way. Not necessarily because I wanted to see his butt but rather not to see the phallus. I finally got erected. Then I felt more comfortable with seeing his erected penis. I like erected penises if they don't threaten me. Threats do not come necessarily with its physical being, but any representation of it. It must be an ego fight or some traumas. He asked me to bring my butt closer to the camera. I obeyed once again so the score became 2-1. I already started to think about what should be my next demand to equalize. Even though the match mentality does not sound healthy, it put a playful element for me which encouraged engagement since our sex life was not going well for a while.

I found my next demand after a few minutes of playing with my hole, I asked him to start licking the camera. I think it was a bit shocking, he just laughed and asked If I am serious. I know that digital image makes everything more difficult to read but I was fully serious. I persuaded him to lick the camera but it was clear that he didn’t want it to continue so long. He was uncomfortable and I think I liked that. I started to moan which I knew would encourage him to go on. Even though his tongue and lips were the only things I saw on my screen, I knew that he was stroking his dick below my view. It is so interesting how the performer becomes even more confident through a webcam since the person can decide what he wants to show and what he doesn’t and capture the view accordingly. However, I have known him for enough long to sense his invisible movements and body-parts. I knew they exist even though I couldn’t see it, which drove me crazy horny. It gave me a weird feeling of owning superpowers, sensing the invisible. I think this made me earn two points.

2-3.

The victory carried me to the climax and after I came the magic circle got broken. Anything that happened after I came, distanced me from the joy of our digital sex. I wonder if that magic circle where every demand and act was accepted, was created by me turning sex into a game in my mind or was created by the sex itself. In any cases, it was the climax that destroyed and the fun we were having. It stopped both the game and the sex and so the joy. 

I am sure it is possible to think of both of the concepts, game and sex, without a climax. The expectation of a climax is just a long tradition and just like other traditions, it is constructed socially, culturally, economically, politically. Every book we have read, every movie we have watched, every song we have listened, every process we have been in came with a climax that often dragged us to the end. Maybe yes, the problem is not the climax but what we think of the climax, what we think as an end and what values these concepts carry.

There are many questions to raise. I believe rethinking of these concepts, seeing that they are only constructed lenses to understand the reality but not the reality itself can open up space for a new lens. A new lens which is more inclusive to many othered experiences.